Edition 8 May 2025
Tantrums, Travel Plans & Tony Robbins: A Lesson in the 6 Human Needs
We humans are wired with six core needs that shape every choice we make—according to Tony Robbins, they are:
🔹 Certainty
🔹 Variety
🔹 Love & Connection
🔹 Significance
🔹 Growth
🔹 Contribution
Whether we know it or not, these needs drive our reactions, especially when life throws curveballs.
Recently, I got a very real reminder—via a full-blown adult tantrum.
After nearly a year of searching for a new home (and coming up empty), my partner and I were running out of time. With our lease ending in May and no place lined up, the uncertainty was suffocating. So in classic “when in doubt, book a flight” fashion, we decided to spend a few months between Lombok and Europe—adventure as a detour from instability.
And then… our landlord extended our lease. One would think a logical relief. But I lost it.
I snapped and hurled frustration at my poor partner. Over good news. Then—mid-tantrum—I cracked up laughing and said:
“Sorry I completely lost all sense of reality, I forgot we live in quite a paradise here.”
What happened? The 6 human needs happened. Especially my need for certainty.
Here’s what I realized I was really chasing:
- Certainty: I needed a plan, a home, a place to land.
- Variety: Travel felt like a thrilling fix—until it didn’t.
- Love & Connection: Meltdowns aren’t great communication tools, but my partner’s patience reminded me I’m supported.
- Significance: Not having a home felt like being invisible in the world.
- Growth: I craved forward motion, not limbo.
- Contribution: When everything feels unstable, showing up for others gets harder.
The fix? Self-awareness—and laughter. As a coach, I teach others how to manage emotional triggers. But guess what? I still have them too.
The real lesson?
You can’t always control what’s happening out there, but you can tune in to what’s going on in here. So next time you feel off-center, ask yourself:
- Which of my core needs is being ignored?
- How can I meet it in a healthier way?
- Am I meeting one need by sacrificing another?
That meltdown wasn’t a breakdown—it was a breakthrough. A moment to remember that even in chaos, I can return to what’s always certain: my values, my relationship, my purpose.
And if you’re on the edge of your own meltdown? Take a breath. Get curious. And remember this:
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
